


Where You Belong

by orphan_account



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Slight Depressive Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 12:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16912587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Everything is becoming too much for you, you don’t know what to do or where you belong.  But luckily, a special dwarf is willing to help you find out.





	Where You Belong

You put your head on your knees as you curled up in your chair at the library.  This didn’t feel right either, you thought as you stared down at the book in front of you.  The battle was past, the victory won, and none of your friends had perished.  It was a grand time.  The reconstruction of Erebor was under way and everyone had their tasks. 

 

Everyone.

 

Except you.

 

You weren’t a dwarf.  You weren’t made of stone or whatever hard stuff they were made up of.  You couldn’t lift the large boulders that had to be moved for the reconstruction, you couldn’t chisel new monuments into the stone, or any of the mosaics of the journey.  You couldn’t train people at fighting.  You couldn’t cook their strange foods, you didn’t even know half of the ingredients.  And apparently, being a librarian’s assistant was asking too much of you as well.

 

You folded in on yourself as you let out a quick sigh.  The book in front of you was written in some strange script, angular and pointed writing that made no sense.  It was almost like letters, but yet not.  You had to do something to help out with the fixing of Erebor, you knew that.  So you went to Ori, hoping that a simple library job would do the trick.  But apparently all of the books were written in this strange language.  What use was a librarian who couldn’t even read the books?!

 

You held yourself tighter as you tried to fight off the tears.  The thoughts swirled in your mind, and no matter how hard you tried, they wouldn’t venture away.  You didn’t belong here.  You were no dwarf, you were no hero.  The only heroic deed you did was threw a rock at an Orc, from the safety of the tall wall outside.  What good were you to these people?  What good were you to your friends?

 

A little voice in the back of your head answered for you.  You’re not.  You couldn’t help them reclaim their home, you couldn’t help them rebuild…so why were you still here?  You were just in the way.  This wasn’t where you belonged, just like when you went to the kitchens to help Bombur, or the forges to help Fili.  None of those places were where you belonged either…

 

Your heart began to constrict, your breath becoming a bit shallow as you squeezed your eyes shut.  Oh, no.  Please, not here.  You begged yourself.  You could feel the panic welling up in you as your mind began to carry off with a bunch of questions, questions that only made your blood pressure rise and your heart pound in your chest as you tried to cling to your sanity.

 

Where would you go?  How would you survive?  Who would want you?  What if you could never see your friends again?  What if you could never see him again?

 

That last question sent you over the edge as you buried your head in your skirts, trying so hard to draw in breath.  You couldn’t imagine a life without his smiling face in it.  He was your rock, your best friend, and you couldn’t, you just couldn’t make it without him!

 

The tears began to fall silently down your face, making little tracks across your cheeks as if the drops of water were racing each other to the ground.  Damn it!  You didn’t want to do this, why couldn’t you just keep yourself together?!

 

“Y/n?”  A voice called out to you, but it seemed so distant.  It was familiar, and for that reason alone you looked up over your clutched knees to see the worried expression from him.  He was here, here and looking at you with those brown eyes with that messed hair.  He was running towards you. 

 

You didn’t register it at all, it wasn’t until he knelt by your chair, looking up to you with worry as he put a hand on your back, that you even realized it wasn’t some phantom dream.  He was really there.

 

“Y/n.  Y/n, what’s wrong?  Are you hurt?  Do you want me to get Oin?”  He asked quickly, shifting closer to you. 

 

You could only open your mouth to try to speak, his name being the only thing that stumbled out before you fell forward and into his chest, burying your face against his shirt as you clung to him, the tears falling harder when you felt him hold you close.  “Kili…”

 

“Shh, I’m here now.  You’re alright.”   His hands drifted up and ran through your hair as he tightened his arm around your waist.  He laid his head against yours as he took large and deliberate breaths.  “Follow me.  Just breathe like this.”

 

“I’m…sorry…”  You said into his chest.  The wave of embarrassment hit you and it made you want to just crawl in a hole and never come back out.  What good were you if you broke down crying over a book?!  A book you couldn’t even read! 

 

“Hush, it’s alright.  We all have our moments.  Even I get down sometimes.”  He spoke sweetly to you, in a calming and soft voice.  Kili was gentle with you, he always was, and he always knew just how to calm you down.  Pressing your ear against his chest, you listened to his heartbeat, steady and strong.  It eased your anxiety to know he was there, he was right here and watching over you.

 

It took some time, but you were finally able to just relax against him.  Your panic was gone, but the deep pit of despair still hovered around you, questioning who you were and where you belonged. 

 

“What happened?”  Kili asked as he leaned back against the wall of the library, sitting next to you.  You leaned against his shoulder, resting your head on him as you fiddled with your hands.  You didn’t want to say it out loud.  If you said it out loud, wasn’t that the same as giving in?  “Please?  Tell me?” 

 

Kili shifted to look you in the eye, knowing good and well that you couldn’t say no to those big, brown puppy eyes.  You chuckled as you sat back and looked at him, a blush crossing your face as you spoke, partly because of the embarrassment you were feeling over the situation, but the other because of the look he was giving you right now, he was so focused on you, only you.

 

“I don’t belong here, Ki.”  You stated simply.  Of course, Kili had a comeback.

 

“Of course you do!  Who told you that you didn’t?  I’ll skin them with an arrowhead!”  He shifted forward, a serious look on his face.  “Was it one of Dain’s men?  Because I’ll send them back to that cave they call a home if it was!  I’ll tell Uncle that and he will have them banished from all dwarven realms for saying a word against you!  And we can get Nori to sneak in and set them straight, or get Dwalin to do it…better to use Dwalin actually, he would enjoy it more.”

 

Your jaw fell open.  Seriously?  All of this over an imaginary person who he thinks insulted you?  “No! Kili, no one told me that…it’s just…how I feel.” 

 

Oh, oh that look.  That look that made you feel like not only did you kick Kili’s new puppy, but you somehow personally offended him as well.  How did he manage that look so quickly?!  “I’m sorry…I just-I just can’t figure out where I belong.  I can’t cook, I can’t forge, I can’t do great artistry in the halls, I-I-I can’t even read that stupid book!”  You kicked at the leg of the table you had been sitting at, but it didn’t even budge.  “Can’t even assault a table right.”  You grumbled, letting the self-doubt and pity just swirl around you.

 

“You don’t have to do those things, Y/n.”  Kili crossed his legs in front of him and shifted so he could look at you head on.  “Why would you think you would have to?”

 

“I have to do something! I can’t just sit in my rooms all day!  I want to help, I want to live here, be a part of the mountain! But I-I can’t.”  Your head fell forward, your eyes locking on the floor.  “I can’t just stay here and do nothing…it’s not who I am.” 

 

Had you been looking, you would have seen Kili’s face fall as he heard your words.  He couldn’t believe you felt like this.  And what’s more, he couldn’t believe you felt like this and he hadn’t noticed.  If he had…

 

“Come on.”  Kili said as he got up before holding a hand out to you, smiling down at you.

 

“What?”

 

“Come on!  I know exactly where you belong.  And I’m going to show you.”  He reached down and grabbed both of your hands, helping you to your feet.   You couldn’t even get a word in edgewise as he quickly tightened his grip around one of your hands and led you from the library. 

 

“Kili, where are we-.”

 

“Kili!  There you are, up to mischief ag-.”

 

“Not now.”  Kili deadpanned as he just kept walking you forward, past a gaping Fili who looked to you questioningly.  You turned to look over your shoulder as you passed giving him a shrug and mouthing an apology to him.  It wasn’t like Kili to just walk away from Fili, something was definitely up.  Something big. 

 

“Kili…where are we going?”

 

“You’ll see.” 

 

And see you did.  You began to recognize some of the area you were walking through.  And if your guesses were correct, in a few more minutes, you would be out on the front gate, overlooking Dale. 

 

And right you were.

 

“Here.”  Kili spoke as he led you to the edge of the gate, looking out before turning to you.   “This…this is-is where you belong.”  He said shyly.  He put his other hand in yours as he smiled down at you sweetly.

 

But you couldn’t return it.  This was where you belonged?  At the gate?  You were no guard, no soldier.  Why would he think this is it?  But then it clicked as you looked out over the surrounding area.  Dale.  The town of humans.  Your shoulders slumped as you felt the tears well up again.  Apparently, even Kili thought you didn’t belong in Erebor.

 

“Y/n…what, what’s wrong?”  He stuttered, seeing your features fall into heartbreak.

 

“You think I belong in Dale?” 

 

“NO!  NO!  That’s not-what I meant-I just-I thought-the view…come with me!”  He pulled on your hand again and sent you off after him. 

 

He didn’t mean you belonged in Dale?  Then what did he mean?  Why did he drag you all the way out here?  What the hell was going on?! 

 

Unfortunately, it didn’t look like you were going to get your answers anytime soon.  It had been almost twenty minutes of walking and now Kili was there, holding your hand, as he looked down different passage ways. 

 

“Ki?  Are we lost?”

 

“Nope.”  He said matter of factly.  “I know exactly where we are.” 

 

You raised an eyebrow in suspicion and couldn’t help the sass that left your mouth.  “Oh, and pray tell where are we?” 

 

“Erebor.” 

 

You couldn’t help but scoff, and smile.  Cheeky dwarf, he was. 

 

“Y/n!  Is that a smile?!” Kili said with a big grin, poking at your cheek playfully, having a bit of fun to get you to laugh.

 

“No.  Absolutely not.”  You said as you tried to straighten your face, but Kili was too much.  The way he gave you a doubtful look followed by a big grin. 

 

“I think it is…”

 

“No.  Nope…it…”  You were cracking.  “I am not…”  Yep, you cracked.  “Damn you, Kili!  Can’t a girl just wallow in self-pity for a bit?!”  You laughed with him as you playfully shoved his shoulder.  “How is it you can always make me laugh?!” 

 

“Because I’m special.”  He said with a wink before he looked around once more and sighed.  “I guess this will have to do.  I don’t remember how to get to the other terrace, it seems.” 

 

“Have to do for what?” 

 

Kili looked to you before he smiled down at you.  “It will have to do to tell you where you belong.  Where you really belong…”  Kili shifted forward and a hand slipped around your waist, pulling you closer.  Your heart started to pound as his other drifted up to cup your cheek.  “You belong right here,” He gave you a quick tug so you were completely in his embrace as he looked into your eyes, “right here with me.” 

 

His head leaned forward slowly, obviously gaging your reaction as his lips slowly descended upon yours.  It was the sweetest, and most loving kiss you had ever had.  Kili was so gentle, as he always was.  His warm lips against yours, for just a moment before he leaned his forehead against yours.  “Wanted to give you a pretty view and everything…you mistook the one at the gate.”  He said softly.

 

“I don’t know…”  You spoke playfully, bringing a hand up his chest and cradling his jaw, “I think this view is perfect.” 

 

You and Kili hadn’t cared about the surrounding view.  The two of you just sat on the floor of this random, apparently abandoned, hallway as you snuggled into each other.  Kili always had at least an arm wrapped around you, your legs were intertwined with his as he pulled you back against his chest, making you have to turn your head a bit to kiss him.  But it was a quiet moment, no words were needed as you shifted to your side and snuggled into his chest.

 

His arms wrapped around you like a blanket, protecting you from any stray thought that would ruin the moment, any feeling of self-doubt or depression.  It was just Kili.  Everything was Kili.  “You were right.”  You said softly as you nuzzled into his neck, enjoying that scent of earth and stone that he gave off.

 

“I’m always right.”  He said confidently, making you smile.  “But what in particular am I right about.” 

 

You nuzzled his neck and tucked into him more, wrapping your arms around him as you let your eyes drift close.  “This is where I belong.” 

 

“And I’ll never let you forget it.”  Kili said sweetly as he kissed your head, curling around you as the two of you went off on random tangents, talking about anything and everything.

 

It had been a couple hours of sitting there like that, shifting every now and then, and even trying to find your way out of the maze Kili put you in, and you loved every moment.  You were always tied to Kili in a way, whether it was you holding his hand, or him wrapping and arm around you, but you were never separate. 

 

It was eventually Nori who had found you, saying that when Fili didn’t hear from you two after a while he got worried and they sent people out to search.  Thorin of course gave Kili a stern look, talking of responsibility and needing to know his kingdom.  It took all your willpower not to ask how many times he got lost in the Shire, again. 

 

But it all turned out alright, Kili walked you back to your rooms after dinner, intending to say a sweet goodbye.  “Perhaps, tomorrow, I could come by…and braid your hair?”  Kili asked nervously. 

 

It made you smile to see such a confident man seem so shy, so unsure, as if the earlier part of the day hadn’t happened.  “It had better be a courting braid.”  You said with a bit of sass, giving him a little wink as you leaned up and gave him a quick peck. 

 

“Of course!”  He spoke happily, grinning ear to ear as he released your hands.  “Sleep well, Y/n.” 

 

Kili only got a few steps away before you called out to him.  You didn’t want the moment to end, you didn’t want the day to end, you didn’t want your time with Kili to end.  So you asked the only question that would allow you to keep them, one word that lead to you being held in his arms all night, cuddled into his side, sharing sweet kisses and loving promises, and eventually listening to his soft snore as you drifted off to sleep.  “Stay?”

 

“Always.” 


End file.
